me: seasoned firewood? what's that? did they sprinkle a little cinnamon and nutmeg on it?
mark: no. not even close.
(setting: i have just said something rude)
mark: wow, that's very...ubiquitous of you.
me: i don't think that word means what you think it means
denise: i do not want to write this essay.
mark: i'm sorry, i wish i could write the essay for you.
denise: well, thanks babe, but it's supposed to be brief and to-the-point and those aren't exactly your strong suits
mark: well, i may not be brief, but i'm to the point
denise: so you're long-winded and to the point?
mark: i mean, it takes me a while to say what i want to say, but i always make my point in the end
denise: you know they changed the astrology signs. you're a cancer now.
denise: do you even know what you were before?
mark: no, i mean...presario
denise: presario? as in, a compaq presario? i think the word you're looking for is 'pisces'
(setting: i literally just woke up, it's like 7 am)
denise: what does "dog and pony show" mean?
mark: i don't understand how your brain works
denise: i heard it in a song and i need to know what it refers to
mark: you literally just opened your eyes, when did you have time to think about that?
denise: just tell me what it means!